It’s common knowledge that the mom’s brain rewires during pregnancy. As a result, there are so many triggers postpartum that push us to extreme reactions, such as rage, intrusive thoughts, tears, anxiety, depression… these feelings and full body sensations truly run the gamut. And let me come out at the top here and say that I am blessed and my baby was not super colicky. Not to diminish my or anyone else’s experiences, but the parents that raise colicky babies are on a whole nother level of survival and thrival. Hats off. That being said,
As baby grows, one of the biggest triggers to me is her tantrums.
And the thing is, they definitely bother me way more than they bother her. I know this because she’ll have a whole melt down, prostrate on the floor and everything, and then she’ll be fine like two minutes later. Meanwhile, I’m reeling with my entire being trying to end this inner extreme urge to save my child from whatever is affecting her.
Recent causes of baby’s meltdowns:
- Her hunger as she refuses to eat the endless types of food I put in front of her, all handmade, usually from scratch, with love.
- She’s just too busy to eat.
- It’s not presented in an interesting enough way.
- She loved it yesterday, but it’s repulsive today.
- It’s sleep time.
- The lid won’t fit on the thing.
- The lid will fit on the thing, but she can’t get it off.
- The thing doesn’t fit in the other thing.
- She wants to be picked up.
- She wants to be put down.
- You get it.
So here we are; what are our options?
- Try to fix it, but depending on what “it” is, given that all her basic needs are met, I feel like I’m solving her problems for her, stepping in too early, and impeding what she will discover on her own in a minute.
- If she solves her own devastating situation, I’m assuming she’s developing important skills, such as not looking to the adult to do everything for her and perpetuating the meltdown cycle.
- Block her out for my own sanity. Then I realize that as I tune her out, my nervous system is still on high alert, but my brain is shut down, and I’m not a complete person. More than that, I feel like an asshole because she’s a baby and is trying to communicate with me, the giver of her life and the most important person to her, in literally the only way she knows how. The mom guilt is instant.
- Yell at the baby to “stop!” “go to sleep!” or “shut up!” Here at Honey Sweetened Home, we don’t sugar coat anything. I feel shame in admitting that I’ve yelled at my baby, more than once, and even when she was brand new, because my hormonal and nervous system went into overdrive and I didn’t understand how to make her stop.
- It should go without saying that this is not a logical option and will 10/10 times make the situation much, much worse.
- Babies pick up on our stress. I recently heard an episode, “Why You Can’t Spoil Your Baby,” from the On Health podcast by Aviva Romm, who is an inspirational human being, about the miraculous and frustrating phenomenon of how passing your screaming baby off to the other parent or another adult often times will calm them instantly. What a blow to your ego as you pour your entire being into this creature and they seem to snuggle happily into someone else’s arms but scream in yours. It’s because they can see your overstimulation in even the size of your pupils, and you can’t hide it, and you’re probably too pumped up on hormones and lack of sleep to even control it.
- Anyway, lets forgive ourselves for these misgivings and move on.
- It should go without saying that this is not a logical option and will 10/10 times make the situation much, much worse.
So here we are in a lose, lose, lose situation, trying the best we can. Let’s say a mantra together: Everything will be ok, this phase is temporary, and it will pass. Deep breath, ahhhhh. I feel better for putting this on “paper;” maybe you feel seen from my experiences? Share below!